Voice Lessons for Today Blog » Insights from Atlanta therapist Mazi Robinson

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I’m a Quitter

If you follow me on Facebook, you know that I love those pictures with quotes on them. Recently, I was scrolling through my News Feed and saw one that said quitting is never an option.

Immediately I heard Eye of the Tiger in my mind and images of Rocky and football teams practicing in the rain and the U.S. Hockey team doing that skating drill over and over in Miracle flashed through my mind. (I LOVE sports movies. I am in no way an athlete, but sports movies and documentaries move me to chills and tears.)

After I came to from my movie montage daydream, I thought about how often we hear statements like that. Never quit. Never Give Up. Those statements are indeed inspiring and encouraging. We do have to learn to keep going. We have to push through, hang in there. A life of always giving up ends up not being much of a life.

But this time when I read this quote, I didn’t think Yeah charge the mountain, fight the good fight. Instead, I thought…

I’m a quitter.

I thought for a few more moments and decided yep I’m a quitter and I am totally okay with it.

We think of the word quit as one of the worst four letter words out there. It’s right up there with lose and lazy. You never want to be a loser. Heaven forbid someone call you lazy, and you never, EVER want to be seen as a quitter. We run from these labels as if they were ghosts chasing us in a dark forest.

But you know, as I think about all the things I have quit in my life, I have to say I’m pretty thankful that sometimes I’m a quitter.

I’m thankful I quit certain toxic relationships.
I’m thankful I quit blaming myself for things that weren’t my responsibility.
I’m thankful I quit music so I could pursue teaching.
I’m thankful I quit teaching so I could pursue a career in counseling.
I’m thankful I quit being afraid to leave my comfort zone and started taking leaps of faith.
I’m thankful I quit wrestling with certain decisions and took action.
I’m thankful I quit being angry with certain people.
I’m thankful I am working on quitting worrying about what people think of me.
I’m thankful I have been a quitter.

I think most people fall into one of two camps- There are those that quit everything and never push through the difficulty of hard work, uncertainty, and disappointment. And then there are the people who never quit and stay long past the point of healthy dedication and perseverance. They never quit because they don’t want to be perceived as a quitter, and they’ve developed a distorted sense of loyalty and commitment. They never quit because they are afraid. They never quit because they have lost all sense of self and what is right and wrong and how they deserve to be treated. They never quit, and instead their spirit slowly dies.

Yes, sometimes it is okay to quit. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is quit. Sometimes we have to become broken enough to discover we are strong enough to quit. Sometimes quitting is the thing that will save your soul.

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One of our most difficult tasks in life is learning to discern the difference between when we should keep moving forward and when we should lift our hands in the air and say I’m done. How do we know when to quit, move on, try a new direction, and how do we know when to stick it out, pursue, and persevere? There is not a formula for deciphering this equation. Every situation breeds a different answer.   Every story requires a different ending. Finding a balance between quitting and persevering in your life is the mark of health and maturity.

If you quit everything, then you will never learn the beauty of hard work nor will you learn the depth of your own strength and faith.   Conversely, if you hold onto everything, you may never know the power of healing and the exhilaration of letting go and trying something new.  It is emotionally dangerous to live under the notion that quitting is always wrong. Quitting can be the doorway to freedom and wholeness.

Yeah I’ve been a quitter in my life, and I’ve also been a keeper on-er. Knowing when to hang in there and knowing when to surrender have been some of the hardest decisions I have ever made.   I’m thankful for those times when I haven’t given up and hung in there, and I’m also thankful for the times I reached the end of myself and quit.

The new year is just days away, and as you are contemplating resolutions and major and minor life changes, think about where in your life you need to persevere and where you need to quit. Ask yourself if you need to quit something but are afraid to do so. Challenge yourself to wisely discern the difference between when you need to dig deep and find extra faith and strength and when you need to quit. My friends, here’s to knowing when to hang on and knowing when to quit in 2015!

What do you need to quit as you wrap up 2014 and prepare for the new year? What have you quit in your past that opened the door to healing and new opportunities? How do you discern when to quit and when to persevere?

Jamie - Thanks for sharing this today! I love your blog and so appreciate your perspective.

I’m reminded of one of my favorite quotes from my favorite movie, “You’ve Got Mail” – when Kathleen decides to close her beloved store, she feels defeated but is wisely told, “Closing the store is the brave thing to do. You are daring to imagine that you could have a different life. Oh, I know it doesn’t feel like that. You feel like a big fat failure. But you’re not.”

🙂

Kristin Walker - My good friend Valerie sent this to me and I just subscribed. What a timely post. She knew I needed to read this right now. I was always too much of a hanger on-er. I finally stopped but lace myself with guilt about it especially when it comes to people. Sometimes the only resolution with someone is that there will be no resolution. You can talk and talk until you are blue in the face and they can’t or won’t hear you. Best to move on, cut out, cut off if necessary. Thanks for this post. I will enjoy reading more.

Barbara Exley - Love this Mazi!!’

Maggie Patterson - Yes! Could not have said it better myself. Happy New Year!

Anne - Mazi, I used to be a hanger-on. I would hold tight and keep thinking about how much (time, money, emotion, life) I had invested. I would only quit something when forced to the edge. Today, I am proud to say that thanks to your help, I too am a quitter. I quit a toxic situation and am slowly changing my life. I am not where God intends for me to be, but I am on the right path. You helped me to see that sometimes, walking away is what takes strength. You also helped me to reframe the way I look at what is worth fighting to save. That which destroys our true self is not safe and should be ditched. Thank you for helping me to become a quitter!